October 13, 2017
So… let’s talk about being inadequate. Let’s talk about fear. Let’s talk about feeling less. Let’s talk about imperfections. Let’s talk about comparison.
See: I struggle with ALL of these things: A LOT. While at times it may appear (because FB is like: a grossly inaccurate highlight reel of our life) that we have all of our stuff together: we just don’t.
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Physically: I struggle with the fact that I don’t feel pretty: A LOT of the time. Comparison is a jerk. When I’m in my physical flesh… I can get SUPER caught up in the way I look. Why? Because our culture has led us to believe that our worth is largely dependent on our appearance.
It bothers me that I have sunspots at age 30. That my eyelashes and eyebrows are SO BLONDE that without makeup I look washed out and feel ugly… I look at gorgeous brunettes like my darling friend Madison and I’m like uhhh #helloblondegirlproblems ???? …
It bothers me that I have stretch marks on my upper thighs from carrying 3 babies… 2 at the same time. And I look at women who are super fit and those who have like zero stretch marks and I just feel super gross.
It bothers me that my hair isn’t as thick as Angelina Jolie or, closer to home my BFF Bethany (but no, seriously… #freakingamazinghair)
It bothers me that my arms are not super thin anymore… I need to spend more time building the muscle tone in them and I just don’t invest time there.
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Emotionally: As a woman, I have ALWAYS ALWAYS felt inferior for also being driven. I say “also” because I love being a mom, I love being feminine, I love being a caregiver, helping those in need, loving on new moms, babies, families in need, the elderly in nursing homes… but I am driven. Incredibly driven. And passionate with a mind for business and goals and creating things.
So when I have incredibly gentle and meek friends like Melany, Kari and Courtney…. I feel omgosh, so inferior. I feel like something is wrong with me. I feel like I can’t breathe because anything I do is wrong and with the wrong heart and that’s it’s bad to be driven towards excellence– but that rather I should pursue a quiet spirit all.day.long.
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In business: I feel inferior to powerhouse leaders who are incredible at what they do. Who seem to do it all right, all the time. Who love their teams well, create new ideas all the time, are more organized than I am, give better gifts than I do, bless their team more, spend more time, do more things……… Hello amazing friends Erin, Monique, Alyssa, Casey… (and many more!) .. I just adore you. For my top YL leaders: Stacie Chelsea Janelle Bethany Amy Rebecca Krista Stephanie Kendra Lindsay Hannah Jennifer Jodie Jen Suzanne Rachel Jeanette Camille Holly Jennifer Shelbey April Megan Michelle …. I hope you know how much I want to see you succeed in business and in life, though so much of what I do is different than what we see within the YL family…
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As a wife: I feel inferior to women who seem to make their husbands happy 100% of the time. Who seem to do no wrong. They ALWAYS submit, it seems…. and agree, and follow, and support and are the “help meet”…… and dang, I am just like: wow. Ok I stink at this job. (Insert: 2nd wife… when the 1st wife was WAY BETTER AT THIS than I am )…
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As a mom: hello. omygoodness. Like major mom guilt. I want to spend every waking second with my kids. Like: in a huge part of my heart I DO! I love them. I love all 8 of them. They are my best pursuits. They need investments into them. They are wonderful and amazing and I love them so! But I look at moms who are like WAY MORE PRESENT than I am and I just feel like … basically like crap. Nicole, Stephanie, other friends…… I mean… you’re so amazing at just being intentional…
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As a friend: I feel like I just somehow fall short in this arena ALL THE TIME because I see SO MANY friends on Facebook and Insta snapping pics of them and ALL THEIR FRIENDS… and I’m like: ok, clearly I am not social enough or a bad friend or something… (or forget to take selfies?!?! idk)
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You guys… the list goes on, and on, and on of ways I feel less or inadequate.
And the list of people in my life who do things or are WAY better than me goes on and on and on too (just because I didn’t tag you doesn’t mean there are not things you are or do that I just admire so deeply!) ❤
Do you relate at all here or is this just me????
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So the question………………. What to do with these REAL and RAW emotions!!!?
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On mornings like today… when I start to feel down or compare or fear or less or not enough…… here’s what I did and it made ALL the difference in my day ❤ …..
1) I went to my best friend to share my raw heart and feelings of inadequacy! She (as she always does) encouraged me in who I AM. Y’all: being reminded of YOUR UNIQUE IDENTITY and what your STRENGTHS ARE is so powerful! I know I was created as me! And while I can improve myself, I can’t change who I am at the core. And if it’s different from others: that’s ALL it is.. DIFFERENT. Not bad, Not less. Just different. Thanks for speaking truth into my life, darling friend.. ????
2) I encouraged other people. When I’m feeling down or less, honestly the best thing I can do is just pour love and kindness into others. Caring about them and their needs helps to put in perspective my own. Loving people well and free kindness is powerful. FB messages and texts… loving people does the heart good!
3) I went back to my heritage.. my history.. my lineage.. my roots. I put on my great grandmothers pink earrings. I looked at and touched my great granddad’s oil lamp sitting on my bookshelf and thought of the many nights he lit it. I glanced at pieces of art and history and vintage finds from my great and great-greats in the past… and it’s grounding to who I am and where I came from and why I am the way I am.
4) I looked in the mirror and cried. And told myself, “God knows the number of hairs on your head. You are fiercely loved by Him. And he’d have died for you if YOU were the ONLY one worth saving.” My worth was displayed on the cross. I can cling to that.
5) I wrote out my to-do list of things I KNOW I can master TODAY and that is a great feeling of enough-ness.
6) I hugged and loved on my kids who need a mom who loves them just as they are. And in my mind, I reminded myself of allllllll the investments I DO make into my kids’ lives… and I called my husband and in his gentle strength he said “honey, you’re amazing. don’t believe anything other than that”… ❤
7) I drank some water. Oiled up (Cistus, Envision, Stress Away, Australian Blue) and invested into my YL team with all my heart on a live video…. (and yes, I put makeup on first… but I did it with a full heart and a full mind) ❤
Friends, I share this today because I want you to know that you’re not alone! We ALL compare. We all have fear. We all are afraid of being misunderstood… OMG BEING MISUNDERSTOOD. It’s the biggest fear… We all are afraid of being less than others. Being compared by others. Of others doubting us.
It’s all lies.
DON’T BELIEVE IT!
… follow this recipe if you want to, when you start to feel that icky stuff creeping in. If it will help you! You are so loved.
I am not perfect.
I have a so many flaws.
I just hope that in recognizing my own, I will ALWAYS extend grace to others…. and to myself. And know that we’re all on a journey. If we love others and choose to love ourselves freely, it will, at the end of the day, all be ok.
Sweet person reading this: You are enough.